At Survivors Unrestrained, we are committed to showcasing the strength that comes from unity within the survivor community. Through interviews like this one, we aim to inspire survivors to connect, empower each other, and thrive together. These conversations shed light on the resilience and courage of individuals who have faced harrowing experiences, offering hope and solidarity to all who are healing from institutional abuse.
In this interview, we sit down with Ian Ueda, a survivor of the infamous Casa by the Sea facility. After enduring the trauma of that program, Ian spent the next 20 years struggling with isolation, confusion, and a sense of loss. His awakening came when he discovered the power of community, allowing him to reclaim his life and purpose.
Now, Ian is not only healing himself but helping others do the same. He is an active member of Survivors Unrestrained, serving as a board member and event coordinator, organizing meetups that foster real human connection and support. Ian’s story is one of finding strength in community, embracing the journey to healing, and dedicating himself to ensuring that no survivor has to walk the path of healing from this trauma alone.
In this interview, Tabatha Petry, Founder and CEO of Survivors Unrestrained, and Chelsea Filer, Founder and CEO of the ICAPA Network, sit down with Ian to explore his healing journey and the sense of purpose he found within the survivor community. Both Tabatha and Chelsea commend Ian’s courage in expressing his emotions and pursuing his mission, emphasizing his significant impact on the community and his advocacy efforts in helping survivors reclaim their lives and thrive.
Chelsea: Thank you for joining our first Survivor interview, Ian. We’ll be featuring this on our *Survivors Unrestrained* blog, and you’re our very first guest. Just a quick reminder—if things get overwhelming, feel free to take breaks. This is a safe space for you to share however you’re feeling. We’re here for you.
Could you introduce yourself to our Survivor community, tell us which program you went to, and share a bit about your experience?
Ian: Sure. I was at Casa By the Sea in Mexico from 2001 to 2003. Honestly, a lot of my memories from that time are fuzzy, but the seminars… they’re what really broke me. Those memories are the ones that still haunt me the most. After I left, I tried to push it all away, you know? I didn’t really think about it for years. But once I started facing it again, I realized how much work I had to do to heal. Even now, talking about it, it still makes me shake. It’s hard to revisit, and most of the time, I avoid talking about it. There were moments of physical abuse, restraints, and other things, but those are scars I don’t open up about much. They’re still there, though.
Chelsea: What do you think brought all this back up for you?
Ian: Honestly, it was the Netflix documentary, The Program. A friend reached out and told me there was a show about the school I went to. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then I checked it out. I realized right away that it was about Casa. I ended up binge-watching it with my wife and daughter, and it sent me into a whirlwind for a month. I was barely functioning. I’d make it through work, but after that, my mind was just a mess. All the memories and emotions came rushing back. It was like I was 16 again, trapped in that place, reliving everything. It was terrifying, like all the paranoia, shame, and fear came flooding back at once.
For 21 years, I thought I’d moved past it, but watching that documentary made me realize I’d been living under the weight of that fear the whole time. It shaped so much of my life without me even knowing. The hardest part was how small and worthless I felt in there, especially because of my race. I struggled with that before I went, and the program only made it worse. They made me feel like my race was the reason I wasn’t worth anything. It’s been hard to shake that, even now. After watching the documentary, it was like all those feelings I’d tried to bury resurfaced, and it’s still a daily battle to not fall back into that mindset.
Chelsea: You’re definitely not alone in those feelings. The program pushed a lot of us to internalize that sense of worthlessness, especially in the seminars. They made us believe we wouldn’t amount to anything if we didn’t graduate—like we’d end up dead, insane, or in jail. It’s something we have to consciously fight against, even after all these years. It’s ironic how they preached about overcoming “self-limiting beliefs,” yet they’re the ones who instilled those very beliefs in us.
On a brighter note, I just want to acknowledge that you’ve really stepped up in our community with these survivor meet-ups. You’ve been traveling the country, bringing survivors together, and it’s been such a positive experience for everyone who meets you. You’ve become a real light in this space, and I want to say thank you for making such a positive impact. Can you share a bit about what inspired you to do this?
Ian: Wow, thank you, that’s really touching. It’s overwhelming to hear that—it’s about to make me tear up. Well, after watching the Netflix documentary, I found the survivor community online. There was someone in Pennsylvania who wanted to organize a get-together, and I just jumped on it. It felt like a light in the darkness, finally finding people who had gone through the same thing. They were nervous about organizing it, so they asked me to take the lead. At first, I was excited, but then the anxiety and self-doubt hit me hard. I almost backed out, but one survivor really backed me up, and we pulled it together.
The first meetup was scary. I didn’t know what to expect. I had all these walls up, ready to put on different faces to protect myself, but once we started talking, all those walls came down. It was amazing. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I had to carry the weight of my past on my shoulders. We just understood each other without needing to explain, and that was so freeing.
After that first meet-up, I got really pumped. I saw how many people in the community wanted to connect but felt isolated or alone, and I knew I had to keep going. It hit me hard because I’d felt that way for 20 years—just wanting friends, people to connect with. So, I started organizing more meet-ups in my state, and when I saw how much it meant to others, it really motivated me to push past my fears. Seeing the light it brought to others as much as it did for me was incredible.
That’s when I decided to create the support flag. It had two purposes—one was to bring us all together, like a high school yearbook that we never got. We missed out on so much—those friendships, the memories, the normal experiences. Seeing my friends have reunions always hurt because I never had that. The flag became a way to create our own version of that—something everyone could sign, something that could travel with me to each meet-up, carrying the love and support of everyone who’s been a part of it.
It’s really become my thing now, something I love doing. Every time I bring the flag to a meet-up, it feels like we’re not just sharing that moment with the people there, but with everyone who’s signed it. It’s like carrying a piece of the community with us wherever we go, and it’s been so healing to have that. It’s honestly flipped my life upside down in the best way, and I want to keep doing it.
Chelsea: I love that, it’s such a cool idea. I’d love to sign it one day!
Ian: Absolutely! Like on my recent road trip, I’d love to take it from Washington all the way down to San Diego. San Diego is home for me—that’s where I left to go to *Casa By the Sea* and where I came back to after. Clairemont, San Diego, that’s my area. I’m sure a lot of the people who went to Casa around the same time were from the West Coast, so it feels right to bring the flag full circle there.
Chelsea: Do you have any plans to go down to Casa?
Ian: I wanted to, I really did. As soon as everything came up, I had this urge to drop everything and head back there. Part of me just wanted to stomp out the memories of that place, you know? When I left, I don’t remember much except being on the other side of the border. That’s the last clear memory I have from that time. I thought maybe going back to Casa would help me confront those memories and put them to rest. But after watching videos from other survivors who’ve gone back, I started to second-guess it. Seeing those videos made me realize how intense it would be. I don’t know if I’m ready for that.
The one image that keeps coming back to me is the front of the building, those stupid red gates. That’s what hits me the hardest. There was a video I saw and some testimony from one of the survivors featured in the Netflix documentary, and that was a huge trigger. Watching it really shocked me. I haven’t been able to re-watch it, even though I’ve wanted to. When I binge-watched it the first time, I barely processed any of it. Maybe if I watch it again now, it might feel different.
Chelsea: It’s a good documentary; I really enjoyed it. I know a lot of survivors in our community responded positively to it. It’s amazing how many survivors it’s brought into the community who didn’t even know we existed before. It’s helped so many people find that camaraderie and validation. I think what you’re doing—meeting other survivors and building these deep connections—makes such a difference. These friendships are often stronger than any you can make outside the community because we all share this experience that connects us on such a deep level.
Ian: Yeah, it’s been crazy to feel that connection, especially since most of the survivors I’ve met weren’t even from Casa. Out of everyone I’ve met, only one or two have been from Casa. The rest came from different programs, different years, but when we talk and connect, it feels like we were all in the same place at the same time. It’s wild. Whether you went through it in the ‘70s or the 2000s, that bond is there. I try to push that idea with the meet-ups because some people are nervous about meeting survivors from different programs. But to me, it doesn’t matter. The experience is universal in so many ways. The emotions, the vibe, everything—it’s like we were all there together.
I’m glad I ended up watching the documentary, even though I hated it at first. I would’ve hated to go on for years without finding this community. It would’ve sucked to keep feeling so alone, not knowing that this network of survivors existed. They were good at making sure we didn’t think about that place or find anyone after leaving. When I left Casa, I actually got in trouble for passing personal information to other kids before I left, so they threw me in R&R until I turned 18. I didn’t even get to go back to my bunk or grab my things. The only things I have are letters my mom kept from when I wrote to her. Everything else—my journals, everything—was left there the day I walked out.
Tabatha: You’re currently the secretary of the board and our survivor event coordinator at Survivors Unrestrained, so I was curious what made you want to get involved with Survivors Unrestrained and why you think its mission is important?
Ian: Survivors Unrestrained gave me a purpose. Before I started with the meetups, I was just drifting through life—working, sleeping, and not really feeling like I had a reason to wake up every day. But when I started organizing these meetups and saw that it actually meant something to others, it lit up my life. It gave me a sense of worth. So, when I learned about Survivors Unrestrained, it was like a natural next step for me to want to get involved.
The mission of Survivors Unrestrained just fits right with the energy I’ve found in myself since organizing the meetups. It wasn’t even a question. I wanted to be a part of it from the start. It gave me more than just a purpose; it was like a sign that there’s even more out there for me. It helped me realize that I have something to offer, something that can make a bigger impact, and I’m excited about that.
With Survivors Unrestrained’s mission of empowering every survivor and building up the community, I felt like it aligned perfectly with what I had already been doing with the meetups—bringing people together, helping them connect, and building friendships. We thrive together, and that’s what it’s all about. The energy of everyone I’ve met at Survivors Unrestrained, like you, Tabatha, and the rest of the team, is exactly what I wanted to be a part of. I want to add my light to that and keep helping the community grow and heal.
Chelsea: I mean, it sounds to me like you’re really passionate about connection, connecting with other survivors, supporting them, and helping them to thrive.
Ian: Yeah, exactly. I’m ready for it. The meetups and the connections I’ve made helped me find a reason to start thriving, especially when I was at my lowest and most confused about my life. Making these face-to-face connections was a game-changer for me.
For me, social media has never been enough. I’m not much of a tech person, and I wasn’t big on social media before. Back in the day, if you wanted friends, you had to go out and meet them face to face. That’s how I grew up—by physically being with people, not just messaging them. So, after the program, watching 20 years go by without having those real-world connections really destroyed me. I missed the days of just being able to say hi to someone on the street, or hang out with people face to face. It felt like the world had changed so much, and I didn’t fit into it anymore.
Finding this community, a group of people who still value that in-person connection, has been such a huge relief. Social media helps, sure, but it can only do so much. You don’t get the same energy, the same emotions, as when you’re sitting face to face with someone. There’s something powerful about that direct connection—something that helped me as a kid, and I think helped all of us before we got taken away from everything familiar.
We were around people in those programs, but we were isolated. Alone in a crowd. To be part of something where we can interact again, face to face, is incredible. So, when I saw that, I was like, let’s go. Let’s do it. I’m all in.
Chelsea: So just one more question… Let’s say we could go back to when we first got out of the program. What do you think would have helped, let’s say, as a new survivor? What do you think would have helped you along your healing journey?
Ian: Social skills, social interaction, and support. That would have been the biggest thing for me. When I got out, I had friends, but I was really just self-destructing with them. And once I got over that, there was no social life. It was just work, come home, repeat. Even when I went out, I felt like a ghost, like I was an outcast. Always silent, like, “I’m not here.”
If I had been able to understand that it was okay to be social again, that would have been huge. I never felt comfortable being myself. I’ve probably worn a million faces over the years just trying to get by. It’s only now, in this community, that I feel like I don’t have to pretend. I wish I hadn’t spent 20 years wearing those masks, because it just feels like I lived a fake life.
Having that support right when I got out—people to help me understand it’s okay to talk, to be around others, to be myself—that would have made a world of difference. Even in jobs, I was too scared of authority, and I had no social skills to handle it. Jobs were chaotic for me. I’d be in and out of them constantly. Plus, we didn’t get a real education in Casa by the Sea, so that didn’t help either. But social skills? That would’ve been the greatest thing I could’ve had when I first got out.
Chelsea: So with this newfound purpose, joining the community, and planning all these meetups, do you think that’s helping you on a personal level?
Ian: It definitely is. The meetups have been a huge push for me. Getting past my own comfort zones has had the biggest benefits. The community helps a lot, just knowing I don’t have to sit alone with these experiences. And the support and love I’ve found has been remarkable—more than I ever could’ve expected.
Even in my marriage, the community’s helped. I’ve always struggled with understanding and expressing love. I don’t know what love feels like. When it’s expressed, it just hits a wall and bounces right off. But being around this community has helped me start to express it a bit easier with my wife, to understand it a little more.
It’s still scary in a lot of ways, but the benefits of pushing past my fears and self-doubt have been incredible. It’s not like they’ve gone away—I still fight them every day. Even coming into this interview, I was anxious and shooting myself down. But having the support of survivors has made every step easier.
The energy I’ve felt after pushing myself, that’s something I haven’t felt in so long. This community has given me a reconnection to life. Instead of just zombifying through the days, it’s reminded me what life *could* feel like—the joys I can still have. It’s helping me live a life worth living.
Chelsea: That was beautiful. You’ve talked about having walls up, but you’ve been so incredibly open. I just want to point out that it’s something that’s difficult, especially for men, and especially for male survivors. You’ve come so far. You’re starting to process these feelings and articulate them in a way that’s so commendable and inspiring.
You’re a voice for other survivors, especially for those who’ve ignored this for so long but are now starting to awaken to it. You’re setting an example for them, showing that it’s okay to express yourself. We’re all right there with you, and you’re articulating things that other men may be feeling but don’t know how to say. You’re supporting them in their healing journey, too.
So thank you. Thank you for this interview, for all the work you’ve put into organizing these meetups, and for joining Survivors Unrestrained. I really think the events you’re planning will be so helpful and will bring this community even closer together. I know we can expect to see great things in the future.
Ian: Yeah, no, trust me, it’s the community of survivors that’s been so remarkably supportive. Having that behind me, it makes everything so much easier. After the first meetup, I was like, “Oh my god, I can actually talk. This is awesome.” I’m incredibly grateful to have found this community, and I know we’ll keep having these meetups, healing together, empowering each other, and thriving together.